shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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