Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
