I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
