I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
