you have to choose: penises or morals?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
