If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
