you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
