Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
