well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You ruined the universe
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
