It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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