You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
