Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
