Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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