I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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