upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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