He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize