Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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