I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
