Jerry, you need to find god
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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