What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
