maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
