There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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