Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
