I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
