What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Randomize
