ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
