Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
