if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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