I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
