Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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