Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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