just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
