Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
