I'm jealous of your bromance
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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