It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
