She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
