You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
