The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
