did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
