i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
