mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
