last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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