oh god the rape fog is back!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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