i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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