Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
