After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
