TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
