He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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