My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
