Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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