If that was your dad, he is hot
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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