You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
