Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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