all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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