talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize