if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
