I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
