I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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