I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
