its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
