you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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