i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Randomize
