if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
