I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
