everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
