dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
