i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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