I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
