i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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