her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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