why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
