i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize