this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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