I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
